Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
Day 1 -
I come home from work and find the garage door partly open. "What's going
on?" I wonder. I go inside to check and find a strange dog in the garage.
Whose dog is that? "Get! Go away! Shoo!"
I guess I will just leave the garage door open until it decides to leave. I've
seen him around here before, but I'm not sure whose dog he is.
Day 2 - My daughter informs me that the black lab belongs to the
neighbors. "They are gone for the weekend. Something could happen to
Yeah, like he could get reported to animal control for not being
on a leash. But, she makes him a bed in our garage and closes the garage door so
he will not get cold.
"Okay, he can stay in the garage until they get back, but he absolutely
cannot come in the house. He is not our dog."
Day 3 - I walk into the kitchen and the dog is sleeping on the rug by the
door. "What is that dog doing inside?"
"Smokey was cold outside." Smokey? Now it has a name. "He is too
afraid to get off the rug. See him shaking?"
Probably afraid the dogcatcher will find him. "Okay, he can sleep on the
rug in the kitchen, poor thing, but he absolutely cannot go in the rest of the
house. He is not our dog."
Day 4 - My daughter says, "I checked the neighbor's yard. Smokey's
leash is broken; he chewed though it.
He has food and water and a warm place to sleep. But you are not
going to make him go outside in the cold rain, are you? They don't ever let him
Meanwhile, the dog is in the garage scratching on the kitchen door. Next thing I
know, he will want to bring 20 canine friends inside with him.
"Okay, he can sleep here until they get back, but he has to stay outside
except at night. He is not our dog."
Day 5 - The door to my grandson's bedroom is closed. I knock on the door
and the dog answers, "Woof!"
"What is that dog doing in the bedroom? He is supposed to stay in the
kitchen! He is not our dog!"
"He is sleeping on the floor, grandma! He likes it in here better than in
the kitchen. He is lonesome."
Am I the only one that suspects a conspiracy? "Okay, he can sleep here, but
just on the floor, and just until the neighbors get home! He is not our
Day 6 - The dog is in my grandson's bed, stretched out on the bedspread,
"What is that mutt doing in the bed? Lonesome? How can he be lonesome? Why
isn't he outside? No, you can't keep him! He is somebody else's dog!"
Day 7 - The neighbors are home! Yippee! I see their car in the driveway.
I immediately give the dog his walking papers and put him out the backdoor
without any luggage or spending money.
The dog walks through the wet grass, slowly drags himself to the neighbor's
house and scratches the door. No doubt he is pretending that he was locked out
the whole time, is cold and hungry, and was chased by wild cats. He had to chew
through his collar to escape, and is lucky to be alive.
I have not seen the dog since they came back. I'm sure they have
no idea that their mongrel was sleeping in the neighbor's bed, dining on the
neighbor's dog food, being petted by the neighbor's daughter and spoiled by the
They are probably so happy to have their dog come home unharmed that they will
lavish him with affection and promise never to leave him home alone again.
Actually, there is no point in leaving him home alone. The next time they go
somewhere, they might as well just leave him with us. We wouldn't want him to be
Copyright 2007 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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