Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Battle of the Bush...
Battle of the Bush
holly bush grew larger and larger, the wild sprouts taller and more
difficult to reach. Each time I seemed to have to climb to a higher
step on the ladder until there were no steps left, at least none that
could be navigated safely.
It started a few years ago when I had new landscaping done around my
house. Most of my bushes were old, overgrown, and not the right kind
of shrub anyhow. The new shrubs were small and beautiful. My house
looked like new again. But the guy left a few of the older shrubs that
were established and fit into his plan.
One of the older shrubs was a large holly bush at the corner of the
house. The shrub guy trimmed it and it looked very nice with the new
ones -- except for one thing. After being trimmed back, it developed
the tendency to get unsightly tall branches springing straight up out
of the top. These sprigs seemed to have a mind of their own and
developed much faster than the rest of the shrub.
The holly bush became my nemeses. I would get the trimmers and cut off
those shoots -- in a month or less, they were back and had to be cut
again. They were worse than weeds.
But the really terrible thing about this bush is that it is a holly
bush and has thorns. If you get too close while trimming, it bites
back. Every work session became a cat fight. Regardless of gloves and
sweatshirts to protect me, I came inside after a gardening session
with claw marks all over me.
In the battle with a thorn bush, the bush always wins.
The bush grew wilder and I became more depressed. Finally, I could
stand it no longer. I got out my sheers and duct taped broom sticks on
the handles so I could reach the tall sprigs. I'd show that bush who
But when the shears opened, the sticks were so wide apart I couldn't
manage them. I got my daughter to hold one pole while I held the
other. It didn't work. We couldn't see the top of the bush and
coordinate enough to trim off the sprigs.
Finally, my daughter had to tell me, "Mom, this isn't going to
work. Let the landscape guy come trim them." She was right. I put
away the stuff and went inside, hating to admit I'd been beaten by a
But the lawn guy thought the weather was too hot for bush-trimming and
suggested we wait until fall and do all the shrubs at once. That made
sense, but what about the ugly bush?
I thought on it for a while, then I remembered -- tree prunners. I
needed a tree pruner! I checked online and Home Depot had one that was
lightweight and 12 feet long. That should do it.
The next day I was off to the hardware store to buy the tree pruner.
It was twice as much as I wanted to pay, but I justified it to myself
by saying the bush is an ongoing problem and I would be using the
The thing was so big it barely fit in my car, but I put part of the
pole between the front seats and finally got the hatch to close.
"You are going to love my new trimmer," I told my daughter.
"Mom, I thought you gave up on that idea," she said.
"Give up? Me? I never give up. I refuse to be beaten by a
So, we went outside and tried it. The new pruner worked great. I
lobbed off those ugly sprouts in no time, and didn't get close enough
to be scratched by the holly thorns.
So, I now have a new weapon in my arsenal of lawn tools.
Don't ever tangle with a determined woman, especially when she is
armed with a tree pruner.
Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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