Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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article, please contact her. It's that easy.
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Online Since 1999
||Losing my Head...
Losing my Head
What would you do if you lost your head? What if you were looking for it and
couldn't remember where you left it? Where was it when you last remember having
it? If you could remember, maybe you could find it.
My mother always told me I'd lose my head if it wasn't fastened on, and I guess
this means she was right. I can't find my head. Way to go mom! This isn't funny
anymore. I don't know what I'll do without my head.
I've heard of people who became angry and lost their head. Could that be what
happened to me? Can it be rolling around the house somewhere waiting until I
cool down? Can it be hiding until I come to my senses?
Panic! Frantic! Looking here, there, everywhere, but no head. What will I do
without it? Impossible! How can you lose your head?
No more bad hair days, no more talking too much. No more toothaches, or
headaches, no tears, or sneezes. No need for hats or hair styles or lipstick. No
more dreams or thoughts or laughter.
And, I'm dying for a cup of coffee but how can I drink it without a head?
What would cause a person loose their head? I've heard of people losing their
head over a new love, or any new passion for that matter. But my life is the
same old life, nothing new that's worth losing my head over.
If I had half a brain, surely I could remember what I did with my head. I know I
had it yesterday. Did I have it when I went to bed? Did I leave it on the
pillow? Lose it under the sheets? Am I only dreaming that I've lost my head?
Funny, when you lose your head, you can't remember anything.
Did I put it down somewhere and forget to pick it up? How can you forget
something as important as your head? This is a little more critical than losing
the car keys or misplacing your cell phone.
Did I leave it in the car? Did I put it in my purse? Is in the hamper with the
dirty clothes or did I throw it in the trash can by accident? Maybe it is safely
stored away in the closet like my shoes usually are when I can't find them.
One good thing -- no headaches today. Maybe I had a migraine and I wished my
head would go away? But I don't think so... In fact, can't think at all without
My head, my head, I can't go outside without a head. What would the neighbors
do? Would they call the cops and say a headless person is loose in the
neighborhood? Is it against the law to be without a head?
Can I go to work without a head? Even if I could use my computer, I couldn't
talk on the phone. Would my boss fire me for not having a head on my shoulders?
I supposed I can't expect to hold a job without a head.
I always took my head for granted. We've been together for so long that I never
thought I could lose it. Somewhere out there is a missing head. If you find it,
would you please return it?
What would you do if you lost your head? Would you wander around aimlessly
looking for it? Would you wait patiently and hope that it returns? You couldn't
cry or say how much you miss it or tell it how sorry you are that you lost it.
You couldn't promise it that you will never lose it again.
What do I look like without a head? Do I dare look in a mirror?
Well, what do you know? There you are, head. On my shoulders, right between my
ears, exactly where you have always been. All this worry was for nothing.
I've always heard there would be days like this. Look first, panic second... and
try not to lose your head.
Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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