Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
was asked to watch my year-and-a-half-old granddaughter for only
a few hours while my son and his wife were out. Of course, I was
thrilled at a chance to have my sweet little granddaughter all
to myself and spoil her. But, once again I have flunked
She was already in her 'jamas, as content and innocent as a Pooh
bear with a honey tree. She waved a crooked "bye, bye"
as mommy and daddy went out the door. Nothing to do now but
watch TV and let the child play with toys until mom and dad
return, I thought.
That's before I found out that toddlers are greased lightning. I
went to turn the TV on and the child went for the stairs. She
was halfway up before I realized she was not right behind me. I
led her back down and told her not to go up again because she might fall.
I gave her a toy to play with and decided to fix
a snack. Little Miss Greased Lightning followed me to the
kitchen, climbed on a chair and tried to get up on the table
where her father had left some tools. I rescued a light bulb
before she could grab it. "No, honey, glass can break and hurt
you." I scooted the chair under the table, while she
proceeded to open a kitchen drawer and take out all the
I put away the utensils and decided to pop some popcorn to
share. Maybe food would keep her attention. "Eat one piece
of popcorn at a time, honey." She took a handful and
crammed it into her mouth. I've never seen a child move so fast.
Thank goodness she didn't choke.
While I got rid of the popcorn, she climbed on a lamp table and
stood up. "How did you get up there? Get down right
now!" She jumped to the sofa, a game she seemed familiar
with and had obviously played before. While I tried to figure
out what to do next, she found my purse and proceeded to unzip
it. I put it on the mantel, while she found her mother's purse,
which I also put on the mantel.
"Let's play with toys," I suggested. We found two
music boxes and turned them on. She danced in circles in the
middle of the floor. "How cute, that should keep her busy
for a while," I thought. She found a tiny tea party chair
and sat on it, holding her baby doll. While I picked up the
scattered toys, she decided to stand up on the tiny chair, which
was not nearly secure enough.
Maybe we can find a cartoon on TV, I thought, as she turned the
rocking horse upside down. While picking up the rocking horse, I
didn't notice that she had a package of baby wipes until I saw
them flying in the air one by one. I put them back in the
container the best I could, while she began to unfold diapers. I
swooped everything up before she could open the baby cream and
put it all on the mantel, which was getting pretty full by now.
It's been a long time since I've had one this age. I had
forgotten how fast they can move. I wonder how her mom does it,
I thought, as she was playing with the light switch. "No,
no," I said. "Baby, must not play with the light
switch!" So, she just climbed up the stairs again instead.
She finally became frustrated and broke into tears because she
could not climb on a chair and hold a beach ball at the same
time. I tried to comfort her. I could tell it was getting to be
time for beddy-bye. No, not for her -- for grandma!
forgotten how toddlers overflow with natural curiosity and
boundless energy. A grandma just has a hard time keeping up with greased lighting.
Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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