Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||This Gnat is Making Me Crazy....
This Gnat is Making Me Crazy
gnat is making me crazy Every time I sit down at the computer, this gnat
flies between me and the screen, right in my face. It is really hard to
type and swat at a gnat. I end up with a lot of left-handed words like
sdcftfa (swat) xxsstr (swat) fdfsee.
Speaking of spelling, gnats don't even spell their name correctly.
Unlike g-mail or gnu, it is not a g-nat. They can, however, put on a
pretty good air show, whooping and swooping, doing loops, spirals, and
figure eights. The only thing missing is smoke writing.
Gnats usually fly in swarms, but, thank goodness, this one is a solo and
did not bring reinforcements along to torment me. I actually don't know
if it is same gnat buzzing me or if there is a tag team of pests. I did
not card the gnat and ask to see an ID card or pilot license.
Did you know there are different species of gnats and where they come
from depends on genetics. I am sure this gnat is not the type that comes
from the soil of a houseplant, as I have no houseplants. I killed them
all with negligence. I wish negligence would work on a gnat, but the
more I ignore it, the harder it tries to fly up my nose.
I've read that gnats will dive headfirst into a glass of wine or vinegar
and drown. Apparently my gnat did not read the article or else it has
already had a glass of wine too many. I think maybe it is coming in from
Last year ladybugs were getting inside through cracks around the
windows. If something as large as a ladybug can get inside, any minute
opening would be like an open garage door for the tiny gnat.
There it is again. Why does it does it have to fly right in front of my
face, pesky bug? I usually say "live and let live," but you
can only ignore an annoying gnat for so long. Good thing I don't own a
gun. If I can't get it with a swatter, though, what chance would there
be of shooting it? I would just blow holes in my ceiling for nothing.
Gnats are supposed to be mini flies. When a fly gets in the house and
I'm not fast enough to swat it, I figure it will be dead of old age by
the next day anyhow, and I can sweep it from the window sill and forget
it. This gnat has been around for a long time, though, so I don't think
it intends to die any time soon. I read that some bugs live two to four
months. Just my luck, I end with up the Methuselah of gnats.
Surely there must be something I can do to get rid of an insect -- other
than learn to type with only one hand. Mosquitoes are attracted to me
also, but I have learned to stay inside or use insect repellent. Maybe I
should dab a bit of insecticide behind each ear and see if that
discourages the gnat.
I'm really at my wit's end. If I don't figure out something soon to get
this gnat out of my face, I will be a stark raving lunatic. Some people
think I already am, but that's beside the point.
When the ladybugs invaded last year, they were slow and I could scoop
them up with the vacuum cleaner, but this thing is way too fast for
that. I got rid of ants by putting out an ant motel for them. Do they
make gnat motels? It really doesn't need one, though, as it apparently
has taken up permanent residence in my house.
There it is in my face again. SMACK! Got him! Please disregard this
Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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