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Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

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I Hate Football....

I Hate Football!

Yes, that was me at the Titansí opening game last week. So what? That does not mean that I do not hate football. It is just that I had not done much of anything for a long time and I really needed to get out. 

We got there early to find parking, but still had to walk for miles to get to the stadium. We were looking for a place nearby to eat breakfast, but couldnít find one. I was starving. No wonder I hate football!

Okay, so I ended up eating popcorn for breakfast. So what? You eat corn flakes all the time and think nothing of it, donít you? Is that much different from popcorn? Iíll admit the diet coke was not my usual choice of a breakfast beverage, but I had to drink something, didnít I?

It was a hot day. It was a really hot day. Okay, it was sizzling. It definitely was not football weather. When I think of football, I think of shivering and drinking hot coffee to keep warm while my toes freeze off. It was much too hot a day to be playing football. As I sat there sweltering in the sun with perspiration running down my back, I hated football more than ever.

When the game finally started, the Titans didnít play worth a hoot. They got so far behind by halftime that I figured they didnít have a chance of winning. After every play, somebody was lying on the field injured, and it was always Tennessee. Titans were dropping like flies. 

I was getting sunburned and wanted to leave. My friend, of course, was enjoying the stupid game. He bribed me with one of those $5 cokes to get me to stay, and didnít even care about how much I hate football.

As I looked around the crowd, I noticed that most everyone was wearing Titan colors. As usual, I was out of fashion. It seems the big thing now is to wear a jersey with the name of your favorite player on the back. I wonder how much those jerseys cost? I do sort of like them, even though I hate football.

As the game began again, the repugnant college-age commentators sitting behind us got wound up on beer and began spouting their opinions of each play. Why do these obnoxious people always seem to show up at ballgames? And why do they always have to sit behind me? 

But the game was staring to pick up now and the Titans were making a comeback. Yes, I was screaming and yelling. I figured I might as well join in and cheer since everyone else was Ė even though I hate football.

As the excitement level in the stadium grew, the yelling was so loud that my eardrums were vibrating, especially when the other team was trying to make a play. They tell me that fans yell loudly so the opposing team canít hear the directions for their plays. Seems like cheating to me, but the fans didnít care. Obviously, they donít hate football like I do.

By the last of the fourth the enthusiasm was intense. Yes, I was starting to enjoy the game. Hard to believe, I know, but you just had be there to understand. I was almost having fun yelling and screaming for every 10 yards gained, and trying hard to hate football.

When the Titans scored that final touchdown the crowd went wild. Fireworks exploded and the stadium pulsated with noise. We win! And this is only the first game of the season! Talk around Tennessee is already about the Titans going to the Superbowl this year.

Hate football? Me? Oh, yes, I almost forgot.

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss


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