Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Be Careful What You Ask For...
Be Careful What
You Ask For
The first week
was spent looking at the floor and admiring it. Gone is the dirty
carpet -- gone to used carpet heaven, or wherever it is that worn-out
carpeting goes when it dies. Gone is the dust that accumulated over
the years in spite of all attempts to vacuum and steam clean it away.
Gone are the musty smells and spots from years of spills and
Free at last, I thought. Free from dirty rugs. No more being held
hostage by the dust mites that time has forgotten. It's true, but
there are some differences between carpets and hardwood, differences I
had not anticipated.
The noise is difference number one. We installed an insulation blanket
under the hardwood to help with the noise. Thank goodness. I can only
imagine if we had not. We still have an echo.
The carpet muffled sound. Now every thing seems so loud. I can hear
someone talking in another room. The television blasts as sound
bounces from wall to wall. The cat's meow is like the roar of a lion
and I can hear bumps on the floor when someone walks. The house is
like a small gymnasium or bowling alley.
And there is dust. I don't know where dust comes from. Granted, there
is less than before. But whatever dust there is has nowhere to go. It
cannot sink into the nap of the rug and hide. It settles on the floor
and stays there until you sweep or dust mop.
I never imagined that the floor was so dirty, but now I cannot deny
it. The evidence is right there on the dust mop, along with crumbles
and tiny pieces of who-knows-what that have to be swept into a dust
pan. What is that stuff anyhow? No wonder the rug was dirty.
And then there are foozles, little balls of dust or cat hair that blow
across the floor like tiny tumble weeds. Some of them are captured
with my dust mop frenzies. Others are pulled to the furnace vent. The
other day I removed half a cat from the steel furnace grid, minus
claws and eyes.
Like noise, light seems to reflect more. There are glares on the floor
and glares on the TV screen that never existed before. I have to keep
the curtains closed or wear sunglasses. A clean floor reflecting like
a mirror makes everything else look old and dirty. I wore out two
Magic Erasers cleaning the walls and baseboards. I hadn't even noticed
they needed it before.
While we don't need ice skates to navigate the hall, the slickness
still seems to bother the pets. The cat's back end may skid while
making a fast turn and the dog can no longer jump around as his back
legs spin and he can get traction. That might not be such a bad thing,
but he seems so sad, like an old dog with arthritis instead of a pup.
Wood is hard and unforgiving. I've already dropped a glass and had it
shatter everywhere. Of course, you can't expect to drop a glass and
not have it break, but with the new floor, it smashes into
smithereens. And I better be careful cleaning it up or I might scratch
the new floor.
The coldness feels good now since it is summer. Maybe the insulation
under the wood will help this winter. If not I will need to get in the
habit of wearing house shoes. I guess I'll get used to it after a
while. I had just grown lazy and comfortable with the dirty old
Now with new floors, I feel obligated to keep things nice and clean.
Which reminds me; I haven't dust mopped today. Where's that wood
cleaner spray? I think I see a smudge over there in front of the door.
Be careful what you ask for ... you might get it ... and then you have
to keep it clean.
Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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