Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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A Fast Woman....

A Fast Woman

I never thought of myself as a fast woman until just recently. Now that I have a new cable connection for my computer, however, I definitely qualify as speedy. No more dial up, no more being disconnected, just zip, zip, zip! Pages and graphics loading in a whiz -I tell ya, Iím moviníÖ Iím flyingÖ Iím lightning!

When cable first became available in my area, I went over to the friendly local computer store for a free demo Ė no obligation. They had the old 133 MHz computers that they use for training all wired up to cable. Those worn out nags were running like racehorses with a shot of the new technology. Of course I wanted it, just like they knew I would.

Expense, of course, is the main obstacle Ė just couldnít seem to justify the expenditure when I could dial up and connect to the net so much cheaper. But prices have come down since then. Sales people are quick to point out how cable with one phone line in your home is cheaper than two phone lines, one for calls and one for the computer. Or how you can connect two computers at about the same price as dial up with home networking. When I got that card in the mail about the free installation and the rebate of $100, it was the final straw.

Everybody is getting wired with the new wide band technologies these days. Speed demons like cable, DSL, satellites, wireless and ISDN phone lines left me feeling antiquated and eating dust with my dial up modem. I never seemed to be able to stay connected at 56k and had to settle for even slower speeds. Even with a high-speed processor, my computer was dragging its tail with the entire Internet trying to squeeze though a phone line. In a computer class I took, the lady next to me leaned over to confide, "Iíve got cable and Iím so spoiled." Boy, was I ever envious. I wanted to be spoiled too.

So now Iíve joined the 21st century. My computer cruises the fast lane on the information highway. Wonder we donít get a speeding ticket the way I drive. Trouble is the Internet is very addictive, and even more so at high speed. Remember when you got your first computer, how you didnít want to eat or go to bed at night? Itís almost the same sort of infatuation all over again. No waiting, everything there in a flash.

ButÖ I do miss the screech of the modem dialing up. Iíve become sort of used to the repulsive sound and the little ecstatic musical chimes when it finally connects. The "mail truck" announcement, the ugly blue and yellow start page set up so carefully with all my personal preferences, my familiar email address Ė all are gone! 

My ISP has been good to me. They held my hand while I learned to walk, and now Iíve run away and left them. Iím gonna miss you Earthlink Ė but not enough to give up my amorous affair with cable. Itís sort of like getting a new home and leaving the old one with all the associated memories, or trading in the car that became a clunker for a slick new model, or dumping an old boyfriend for a new lover.

Speaking of which, I gotta go now. My computer is always connected and itís ready to rumble. Itís waiting for me now and blowing the horn. Gee whiz, hope my monitor wonít melt at warp speed. I have email to check and surfing to do. Life is sure demanding when youíre a fast woman!

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss


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