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Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

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Easter Eggs Grandma's Way....

Easter Eggs Grandmaís Way

You grandchildren come on in here to the kitchen! We are going to have some fun today! We are going to dye Easter eggs Ė none of those phony plastic eggs at grandmaís house. Grandma has REAL eggs, the kind the Easter bunny lays. 

Grandma has years of experience with this. I remember when my kids were your age and we did this every year!

First, we will put newspapers on the floor. Donít ask; just help me with the papers. Grandma canít get down on her knees like she used to. Now, we will get out the coffee mugs. We need BIG cups so the dye will cover the eggs. Line them up on the paper where you can reach them. 

Okay, now we will open the dye package and you can put one pill in each cup. NO!!! Donít eat that pill! Well, they were non-toxic the box says. We just wonít have any pink eggs this year, I guess.

Now, add the vinegarÖ Vinegar???  I always forget about vinegar. Grandma is getting old. Fortunately, a grandma always keeps a supply of everything. Just hold this little stepping stool for me while I reachÖ Uh, oh! It jumped off the shelf! Donít cry; grandma broke it. She will clean up the mess. We will just use pickle juice.

Now, grandma will add water. See the pretty colors? Grandma has already boiled the eggs for you. (A grandmother has to plan ahead so she can keep up with the grandkids.) She only cracked 2 or 3 eggs and she can make yummy egg salad out of those.

Okay, put one egg in each cup! ONE EGG! Well, it slipped, didnít it? Thatís okay, we have others. Accidents will happen! No! Donít put your hands in the cup! Too lateÖ Well, maybe your mom can get it washed off before Easter. Purple hands wonít match your new Easter outfit very well.

WATCH OUT! Oh no! You dropped the egg basket and squashed them! Well, letís clean up the mess; we still have a few left. 

No, we canít use the ones out of the refrigerator. They have not been boiled. Donít cry!

What about those little paper things in the box, you say? Those little paper things are called "tattoos." We will save them for later. I told you we would SAVE the tattoos! How did that get on your face? I just hope we can wash it off. 

Take the rest of the eggs out of the cups. Use your hands. What does it matter?

Maybe we should just make potato salad instead of Easter eggs. Potato salad is always nice. 

Yes, you can have the little cardboard things and some toothpicks to make twirly tops.  Here, just put the rest of these tattoos on your face and go watch cartoons on TV. 

Your mother will be here pretty soon to get you. She can stop at Walmart on the way home and buy you some nice, plastic Easter eggs with jellybeans inside. 

Might as well face it, holidays are just not what they used to be.

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss

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