Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
To carry her weekly column in your
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Online Since 1999
may find this hard to believe, but it is absolutely true. I have
invisible dust at my house. I know it is invisible because no
one can see it except me. The furniture can have enough of the
stuff to rival a hazardous waste dump, but my family continues
in their daily activities, simply ignoring it as if it were not
Surely, if they could see what I see, someone would say, "I
think it's time to clean," and run full speed for the
I don't know why it is that I am the only one that can see the
dust. Perhaps I have supersonic vision, like Superman. Perhaps
they think I can leap over a dirt pile in a single bound. All I
know is that I seem to be the only one who ever cleans house.
Strangely, this special ability to see the invisible includes
not only the dust on the furniture, but also the fingerprints on
mirrors and glass doors. I should work for the FBI. It is
amazing how I can see those smudges and prints, but no one else
knows they are there. Fingerprints at my house could overwhelm
the national criminal data base and still no one would mention
that it might be time to clean.
Kitchen floors are the same. No one can see the footprints,
black marks, or the mud that has been tracked in. I know I have
missed my calling. With my amazing ability to see invisible
footprints, I should have been a scout for the military or a
guide for big game hunters. It is truly amazing how I can see
tracks on the floor while everyone else just walks right over
Even my carpets are polluted with the incredible invisible dust.
I can see the dust bunnies and foozles holding wild parties
under the living room coffee table. But the other members of the
family are entirely oblivious to the fact that we are being
terrorized by filth. Never in a million years would someone
actually volunteer to run the sweeper.
I don't know what it might take to get others in my home see
that housework must be done. The bathroom could be oozing green
slime and no one would acknowledge it. They might grudgingly
agree to help if I pitch a big enough tantrum. But they do not
have a clue what it is they are cleaning as it is entirely
invisible to their eyes.
You name it and I am the only one in my house that can see it.
The list includes greasy appliances, sticky countertops, dust
explosions, landfills, tar pits, horse manure, or anything else
on the planet that might requires any effort whatsoever to clean
When I finally explode, the family is amazed. "If you need
help, all you have to do is ask!", they say, flipping
channels with the remote control.
Ask? Of course, how could I possibly forget; they cannot see the
problem. Only I am capable of seeing dust with my supersonic,
high-power, infrared, Technicolor vision. No one can possibly
volunteer to clean what they don't even know is there.
It is sad but true. I am cursed with the uncanny ability to see
Only I am capable of cleaning without instructions or being
asked. Only I know when it is time to get out the dust mop,
disinfectant, household cleaners, and other weapons of mass
pollution destruction. Only I will not ignore it and pretend it
One day, I may stop seeing dust too.
One of these days I may stop my war on dust long enough to let
the invisible dust settle -- not that it would do any good. It
could block out the sun and destroy the ozone layer, but it
could never become dusty enough for my family to clean without
prompting unless it obscures the screen of the TV set.
Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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