Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
What's a trip to New England without covered bridges?
I love covered bridges, so, of course, it was mandated that we look
for bridges. We didn't have to look far as there were two right in the
area where we were staying. One was old and for walking only. The
other was a bridge that was actually in use. Cars could drive on it,
so we drove across and then stopped on the other side to make the
required photographs of other tourists making pictures.
Later we found yet another covered bridge, this one with both traffic
and walking, which made for an interesting combination since there
were no sidewalks. For the most part, the cars watched out better for
wandering tourists than the tourists watched out for traffic, enabling
many disasters to be narrowly avoided.
When we got home, someone asked if we met Meryl Streep or Clint
Eastwood. Sorry, that was a different movie. Our movie was more like
one made for television featuring senior citizens by the busload. The
only things missing were children, who had used up summer vacation and
were back in school. Some of the adults were worse than kids, however,
walking thoughtlessly in front of you while you were taking pictures,
and rushing from one place to another as if a waterfall might be
turned off before they could see it.
In addition to covered bridges, there were other wooden bridges built
over scenic places, such as river cascades. These bridges seemed to
have no particular purpose except to allow tourists to get a better
look and a better picture to post on Facebook. We walked across one
suspended bridge that bounced and swayed slightly as you walked. I was
okay with walking across bridges as long as I didn't look down through
the cracks in the floor and see the water rushing below.
We saw scenic overlook after scenic overlook and hiking trail after
hiking trail. My sister wanted to walk every trail we found.
Remembering the long, long hike from our previous experience and my
bad back, I decided to opt out on some of these. My adventures in
parking lots were more interesting than the trails anyhow. At one
trail, I waited outside at a picnic table in woods that grew colder
and damper by the minute. I thought I would freeze to death or be
eaten by bears before they returned.
The next time, I found out what happens when everyone goes for a hike
and I stay behind in the car. It pours rains and everyone gets soaking
wet except me. I also found out that when a car is locked, the alarm
is on and if you open the door to take pictures, the alarm goes off
loudly. Once again, the car keys had gone on the hike and I just had
to wait for the horn to stop honking and reset itself regardless of
annoyed stares from other people.
After a while, all the scenic overlooks seemed to melt together and
look the same. At one stop, however, there was an old cracker-box
style house that had once belonged to a woman whose husband abandoned
her. According to legend, she put a light in the window in case he
decided to come home, every night for 37 years until she finally died.
After she died, guess who returned and tried to lay claim to the
Further along, we stopped at a restaurant with a giant wooden lobster
on the outside porch. We whipped out the cameras to take pictures. The
hostess told us how someone had tried to steal the lobster by cutting
the bolts and dragging it down the handicap ramp to the parking lot.
Eventually, they abandoned their efforts in a foot of snow.
Unfortunately, one claw was broken off during the escapade, but it was
Like a brass moose, I had to wonder what thieves would
do with a giant wooden lobster. The waitress didn't know and neither
Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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