The Chef Strikes Again
Okay, we are going to have another cooking lesson.
After last yearís experience, Iím not trying to do deviled eggs
again. This year the eggs will go straight to the potato salad Ė no
We will need four boiled eggs for the potato salad.
Put these five eggs in a pan and cover them with water. Yes, I said
FIVE! In case something unforeseen happens, we will have an extra Ė in
fact, letís boil six. Our track record with food preparation is not
We will bring them to a boil, then turn down the heat
and let them simmer for about fifteen minutes. Easy, huh? Itís is a
cinch. If you can boil water, you can make eggs.
Next, we need potatoes, obviously. We can fix them in
two different ways, so we need to make a decision here. We can boil them
whole with the peelings on, or we can peel and dice them, then cook. No,
I donít like peeling spuds either, so letís cook them whole. It
takes longer, but they will have more vitamins.
We need to fix five cups of potatoes. I donít know
how to measure whole potatoes either. Just guess. Put them in a big pot
and cover them with water. Bring them to a boil and let them simmer for
about 30 minutes. Yes, the same way you cook eggs, except longer. Put
the lid on the pot and they will cook faster
Now we will chop up one cup of onions. I have a nice
purple onion which will look pretty. You donít like onions? Well, it
isnít potato salad without onions. Get over it.
Onions are easy to peel.. Use a sharp knife and cut
them crosswise then slice them to make small pieces. Sniff, this onion
sure is strong! Just keep chopping! Sob! This is the strongest onion Iíve
ever seen. Boo, Hoo! Hand me a paper towel. Sob! Sniff! Did I mention
that chopping onions might make your eyes burn?
Are you watching the potatoes? They are boiling over.
Get them off the heat! What a mess! Didnít I mention that potatoes
boil over easily? Okay, put them back and leave the lid cracked for the
steam to come out. Good grief! Canít you even boil water?
Now, the recipe calls for celery seed, but I like real
celery. Itís that green tasteless stuff that people eat on a diet.
Chop the celery to make about a cupful. Be careful. OUCH! The knife
slipped! I better get a bandage before I bleed in the food.
Are the potatoes tender when you test them with a
fork? Take them off the heat and pour out the water. Watch the steam,
you can get burned. YOWEE! See what I mean? Now letís peel the
potatoes. After cooking we can dice them easily. OUCH! My hand, I CUT my
hand! Not again!
What was that noise? The EGGS! You let the eggs boil
dry! Look at that! It blew up! I didnít know eggs would do that! Well,
they are done enough. Put them in cold water to cool. Now we need to
peel them. Start at the big end and they will peel easier. Donít worry
about the part that sticks to the shell. Help me out here. Iím
Okay, all we have left to do is mix it up. Put the
potatoes, onions, and celery in a big bowl. Add 2 teaspoons of sugar and
2 of vinegar. I know one is sweet and one is sour. No, it wonít
explode. Donít question the recipes.
Stir in 1 Ĺ cups of mayonnaise.
We forgot the stupid eggs. Chop them and crumble up the yokes. Potato
salad expands when you mix it up. Get a bigger bowl.
Well, it turned out okay for a change. You can
sprinkle it with a dash of ground cayenne pepper to make it look pretty.
The lid came off? How? Oh no! All the pepper fell in, huh? Well, maybe
we can just call it Cajun potato salad.
Iím going to the emergency room to get my hand sewn
up. Clean up these pots and pans. This kitchen is a disaster. It looks
like we had a food fight. What ever you do, donít try to cook anything
while Iím gone.
Next time we will make coleslaw, something with no