Humor Columnist



















Meet the Columnist

Columnist, Sheila Moss, is humor writer from  Tennessee. She writes  a weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny things that happen to everyone.

   She has written for  the Daily News of Kingsport,   Griffin Journal, Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton Advocate,  and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News Journal. She has been published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks at Guidepost Books.  Her articles have appeared in numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.

    She is a former board member and past  Editor of  the, website of  the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the oldest and largest professional organization for columnists. She is the Web Editor of Southern  and  a founder of the Southern Humorists writers' organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of

    To carry her weekly column in your newspaper, or to republish an article, please contact her. It's that easy. 

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The Shoe Carnival....

The Shoe Carnival

Just like the changing leaves, football, and kids returning to school, the change of season signals a change in fashion and time to go to the Shoe Carnival. 

How did all those winter shoes get so scuffed up just sitting in the closet for the summer while I was wearing sandals? It might be possible to ignore the scuffed heel on the right shoe, made by driving. (Man, I must really live life in the fast lane - the left shoe is practically like new.) 

Even if I could ignore that ugly scuff which, after all, is on the back where I canít see it, sooner or later I have to look down and see those pointy toes. Pointy toes? A definite sign that these are shoes that fashion has left behind. Square toes, big fat heels, thatís the new fashion. Thatís what Iím wishing for! No doubt about it -- time for a trip to the Shoe Carnival.

The Shoe Carnival is a self-serve shoe store like no other. Somehow they seem to think that creating a carnival atmosphere is the way to sell shoes. A DJ occupies a stand in the middle of the store and barks out all the sales and wonderful deals that are going on. When he is not on the mic, loud -- I said LOUD -- music blares. It is always 50ís music or some other equally awful tune.

So why go there, you may wonder? The deals! The shoes! The bargains! This week, "Buy one pair and get the other at half price!" What self-respecting bargain hunter could pass that by? Especially when she looks down and sees those pointy toes grinning up at her. Why did she ever think those toes looked good?

Finding the first pair is easy. Instantly I spot exactly what Iím looking for. Maroon! Perfect fit! Look great! Now for the second pair. Iíve gotta have a second pair to get Ďem for half price! Trying on pair after pair: too large, too tight, or too ugly. Panic sets in! Black - thatís it! I can always use a pair of black shoes. 

Finally, the perfect pair is rescued from behind a display of pointy toes, obviously held-over-for-another-season due-to-popular-demand. Square toes, big fat stacked heels. Ah, fashion! Then the DJ, evil man, barks out a deal on Reebok Princessí, the kind I like, at half price - and I donít even have to buy another pair! Itís more than I can stand!

Barely able to see over the pile of boxes in my arms, I happily hand over the plastic card and check out. Another successful trip to the Shoe Carnival! If you can just stand the awful music long enough, you can always get deal. 

Heck, that was fun! Wonder if they have anything in red? If I ever get over this headache, I might come back and shop here again!

Copyright 1998 Sheila Moss

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