Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Blue Sequin Jacket
The Blue Sequin Jacket
other day while out shopping at the local thrift store, I was
rummaging through the jackets in case there was something that I
could wear to work. That's when I saw it -- a blue sequin jacket
that it would outshine an Elvis jumpsuit.
"Oh, that's pretty," I thought. In Smyrna, Tennessee,
anything blue that isn't denim is pretty. I checked the price
tag. $7? It must be a mistake. But that's what the tag said. The
price marked is the price, isn't it?
"What would I do with a blue sequin jacket?" I
thought. I could not very well wear it on Saturday to Wal-Mart,
and it would cause too much gossip at the First Baptist Church.
They might think I had been out all night partying. So, I passed
it by and didn't try it on.
Why is it that the thing we didn't buy, is the thing that haunts
us later? I had visions of me in the sequin jacket going to the
Swan Ball -- or at least the Swine Ball. I imagined going on a
dinner cruise on the General Jackson Showboat, or to a
fund-raising political dinner dance, or to a New Year's Eve
party at the Opryland Hotel. It would also be perfect for Tunica
- the redneck Vegas near Memphis.
Unfortunately, I never go to anything that formal, and if I ever
was invited to go, through some sort of clerical error, I could
dust off some of the formal stuff I already own from the olden
days when my late husband used to politick.
The blue sequin jacket taunted my dreams. I fanaticized about
the jacket and how great I would look in it, like Reba McEntire
or Princess Di. Maybe I could wear it like a suit jacket with a
little navy skirt and glitter in style at the theater. We do
have theater in Nashville, despite what people think. I was
I mentioned the fancy duds to my honey. "Why didn't you get
it?" he asked.
"Well, I don't need it. I'm not going anywhere to wear
"You could get it and you would have it if you ever did
Somehow his logic made sense. I should have bought it,
especially for the price. Maybe I could go back and get it. But
that never works with thrift shops. If you see something you
like, better buy it right then as it will not be there when you
I could run by there after work and check. But it's been three
whole days. It would certainly be gone. Maybe I could call and
ask them to hold it for me? No, no, a thrift store will not do
that. Besides, what if I get there, try it on, and it doesn't
If I don't get it, it doesn't really matter. I have nowhere to
wear it anyhow.
Wait a minute! What am I thinking? This is Nashville. We
practically invented sequins. If the country music stars can do
it, so can I. I can wear it with jeans and go to the Opry. Watch
out Porter Wagoner! That's me in the first balcony with the
flashy blue sequins. Too bad I don't have any cowboy boots.
Well, I went by the store after work. I stood staring at the
empty space where the jacket was hanging before. I looked
through all the other jackets. It was gone, gone, gone, just as
figured it would be. As many big-haired ladies as we have in
Smyrna, one of them is probably wearing it to the theater down
at the Assembly of God church this weekend.
Would whoever bought my blue sequin jacket, please return it? I
have a lot of places that I'm dreaming of going, and you
probably didn't need it anyway. You probably just bought it so
you would have it in case you ever needed it.
Copyright 2007 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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