Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
went to Walmart to check out the selection, which wasn't the greatest.
What does a grandma know about buying a Barbie doll? I selected a
pretty-faced, blond called Beach Party Barbie and a package of
assorted Barbie clothes. So far I had a Barbie investment of under
Lately my granddaughter has been coming to visit. While I keep a
supply of all occasion toys, I found that I had a gross deficiency in
toys geared toward little girls. I needed to add a few girly-girl toys
directed toward her more feminine interests.
Enter Barbie: All little girls like Barbie's, don't they? Oh, I know
some people hate Barbie, saying she looks anorexic, teaches the wrong
ethics, and is all about shallow values like looks and clothes.
Barbie may be fixated on fashion but otherwise seems relatively
harmless. She is just a toy, not likely to kidnap a child and drag her
away to New York for life in the fast lane.
Then the ugly truth about Beach Party Barbie was revealed. When
granddaughter tired to dress her up, none of the tiny shoes fit. It
seems Beach Party Barbie is a misfit in the Barbie world. Unlike other
Barbie's with tiny pointed feet that fit only in stiletto high-heel
shoes, Beach Barbie has big flat feet. Putting shoes on her is like
trying to slip Cinderella's glass slipper onto one of the mean
We decided to name her "Barefoot Barbie" and hope she didn't
mind. Surely they make shoes to fit this Barbie, I thought. I went to
e-Bay to check, and found that big-footed Barbie had no shoes of her
own, but had to wear Ken's shoes.
So, I ordered more dresses, long ones so the big flat feet wouldn't
show. Add another $10.50 to the Barbie bill. The dresses came,
miniature evening gowns in all colors. What does a few extra dollars
matter when the clothes are so cute?
But, what fun is it to dress up a Barbie that has no shoes?
Granddaughter brought dolls from home to keep Barefoot Barbie company.
For all her genetic defects, she was generous and shared her wardrobe
with the other girls without complaining. Of course, they had tiny
Barbie feet that fit perfectly in the shoes that didn't work for the
Poor Barefoot Barbie!
I decided to buy some Ken shoes so she would have something to wear.
Add another $14 for 25 pairs of assorted Ken shoes, a steal at the
price. The Ken shoes arrived, a wardrobe bonanza. Some of them fit and
some didn't. Barefoot Barbie now had tennis shoes and clogs to wear,
not the high-fashion high-heels of her Barbie sisters, but, hey, she
isn't the jealous type.
Meanwhile, I spotted another batch of cute Barbie butterfly dresses
--more money into the bottomless Barbie fashion pit. It never ends.
Where did I ever get the idea that getting a Barbie for a child was a
good idea? I'll soon have a fortune invested in clothing for these
tiny plastic humanoids and the entire wardrobe fits into a plastic
I don't know whether manufacturing the flat-footed Barbie was a
mistake, a response to criticism of the high-heeled icons, an attempt
to make her more realistic, or simply a ploy to snag unwary grandmas
that don't know beans about Barbie.
Maybe I can cut down some of those tennis shoes with manicure
scissors. But, I'm wondering what to do with all the extra Ken shoes,
the tiny ice-skates, roller skates, and hiking boots? Maybe I should
get a Ken doll to dilute all the estrogen, but then I would need to
buy outfits for Ken too.
Next time I want to buy a toy, will someone please remind me that
Barbie does not teach children the right values? Also, if anyone
thinks Barbie looks anorexic, they should see my pocketbook since she
came to live with me.
Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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