Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Bad Hair Day...
Bad Hair Day
hair was propelled into a state of shock and awe this week. She
decided to to dye it. Don’t all women color their hair, these days?
So, if she wants to join the trendy traipse into high fashion, why
We went to Wal-Mart, a fabulous local boutique for stylish makeovers.
Since I had groceries to buy, my grandson helped her pick the color
– another dubious decision. She later told me they proficiently
picked a color by holding the boxes up to her face and choosing the
one that most looked like her.
As any real expert can tell you, hair color is tricky. It has a way of
not coming out as the crown of glory you had intended, especially when
you do it yourself. It’s nature’s revenge on the hair industry, I
When it was time for the deed to be done, she was nervous. “I’ve
never put permanent color on my hair before. I always use the
I offered to assist with the dastardly deed. We took a chair in the
bathroom and played Barbie’s beauty shop for half an hour. We then
wrapped it in an old towel, and thirty minutes later she shampooed.
I heard a scream from the bathroom.
“My hair is BLACK!”
Good grief, how can brown be black? She is probably over reacting.
Surely it would be a lighter color when dry, I thought.
We are talking black here, as black as the mulch at the garden center,
as dark as a city during a blackout. Think Morticia Addams, Cher, or
Elvira. When you looked at her, all you could see was black
hair, like a negative image on film”.
“What can I do?” She cried. “I can’t go around looking like
“Maybe we can get light brown dye and try again?” I responded with
the hopeless situation of my vampire daughter beginning to sink in. We
tried it, but it didn’t work. I found out later that you can't take
out color with more color. You can go darker, but not lighter. In
other words, she was out of luck.
“Maybe you will get used to it?” I suggested.
We went back to Wal-Mart for an expert consultation with the resident
gum-chewing beautician, whose bleached blond hair failed to inspire
much confidence. The beautician shook her head. “What did you do to
it?” We can strip out all the color and then recolor it. You might
want to enhance it too.” I could see the digital dollar signs
flashing in her eyes.
It seems there is not a lot you can as a home remedy when things go
this far astray. If you try to strip it with peroxide, it turns
flaming orange. If you try to cover the orange with brown, it turns
Black is bad enough.
Other people offered horror stories of their own instead of any actual
solution. It seems the best advice when you can’t afford
professional treatment is to learn to love your hair the way nature
But it was a little late for that with midnight madness pulling out
We turned to Google for advice and found that a clarifying shampoo
will make a dark color fade faster. We bought a bottle. It closely
resembles Drano and will unclog the drains as a side benefit.
She is washing it daily now and conditioning it. Maybe it has faded a
little bit… maybe… or maybe we are just getting used to it.
All I can say is to try a lighter shade first if you want to color
your hair at home -- unless, of course, you’ve always dreamed of
looking like Morticia.
Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
Nashville, TN 37219
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