Moss, is humor writer from Tennessee. She writes a
weekly human interest column about daily life and the funny
things that happen to everyone.
She has written for the Daily News of Kingsport, Griffin Journal,
Oakridge Now, Atlanta Woman Magazine, Aberdeen Examiner, Angleton
Advocate, and Smyrna AM, a supplement of the Murfreesboro Daily News
Journal. She has been
published by Voyageur Press, McGraw Hill, and the good folks
at Guidepost Books. Her articles have appeared in
numerous anthologies and other publications, both in print and online.
She is a
former board member and past Editor of the Columnists.com, website of the National Society of Newspaper
oldest and largest professional organization
for columnists. She is the Web Editor of
Humorists.com and a founder of the Southern Humorists writers'
organization. She is writer, editor, and webmaster of HumorColumnist.com.
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Online Since 1999
||Dry As Arizona....
Dry As Arizona
feel as if Iíve been driving around in the rain all day. Thatís probably
because I have. If I had gone in a straight line instead of loops and circles, I
could have been to Arizona by now, where itís dry.
It all started this morning when I got up and it was pouring down rainÖ again.
It seems to do a lot of that lately. ďApril showers bring May flowers,Ē my
grandson tells me. All I can say is that we can expect a bumper crop of posies
I usually ride to work with honey. ďItís raining,Ē he said, as if I
hadnít noticed. ĒDidnít you hear what they said on TV? There are already
two wrecks on the interstate. We need to leave early.Ē
Early? I am having a hard time getting ready late.
Anyhow, I rushed around and we finally left. It wasnít until we were 5 miles
down the road that I remember I had forgotten something Ė my car.
ďTake me back! I forgot I was driving my own car today! I have to leave
ďIíll never get to work,Ē he grumbled. ďWhy donít you just use my car
and come back and get me after work. Itís easier.Ē
ďEasier for who?Ē I wondered.
But, thatís what we did. Traffic was awful, as it usually is when it rains,
and we didnít want to return to ďGOĒ and start over.
Only three hours later, it was time for me to leave work. I drove back home in
the rain to pick up my daughter for her doctorís appointment, which was 10
miles in the opposite direction.
My car was out of gas, naturally. It must be a law that cars always need gas
when itís raining.
After the doctor, we had prescriptions to get filled, might as well shop for
groceries while we are out, so we wonít have to do it later in the rain.
(Instead, we will do it now in the rain.)
Thank goodness my garage door opener is working. Iíve been fighting with it
all winter. It works when it feels like it, and thatís usually not when it is
Thirty minutes spent at home, and itís time to drive back to town to pick up
honey. Now his car is out of gas too, so I had to stop at the gas station again.
Traffic is its usual miserable self, so it takes twice as long as it should to
No use taking the interstate home. I could see on my way in that it was a 25
mile long parking lot. So, we came home on back roads through the puddles.
What a miserable day. Iím too tired to cook. Letís go to a restaurant. Did I
mention that it was still raining?
Honey, who had been in his nice dry office all day, decided that we needed a few
more things from the grocery store while we were out. ďWhy didnít you call
me when you were there,Ē he asked.
I waited in the car while he went inside and watched people fight for parking
places in the rain. Boy, if someone backs out, and another car is waiting, a
different car better not even think about pulling in that place.
Have you notice how there are never any parking places near the front of the lot
when it rains? But all those places suddenly empty after youíve already
ďIím not filling up the gas tank tonight,Ē honey said. Good idea.
When I finally got home for the fifth time today, I decided I was not going
anywhere else, regardless, not even Arizona where itís dry. If Arizona needs
me, it will have to come here.
Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
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